Confession: I really want to be like June Cleaver

I really do. I want my house to be sparkling clean. I want my kid to never eat processed food. I want to have a hot meal on the table at 6:00 every night. I want to be involved in the community and the school when Pierce is old enough to go. And I want to do all of this while looking completely put together and beautiful.

Is this normal? I can't explain my desire to be this way other than I just want to be a really good wife and mother. I want to be the type of mom who bakes cookies, not buys them. The type of mom whose kids always eat the recommended amount of vegetables, or maybe not eats them, but always has them on their plates. I want to be the kind of wife who doesn't rely on her husband for anything other than to "bring home the bacon," do the manly jobs around the house like take out the garbage, shovel the driveway (when we have one), mow the lawn (when we have one...ugh...stupid condo) and open the jars whose lids are screwed on ridiculously tight.

I mean, I know that this is an unattainable goal. At least, I think it is. Is it? Is there anyone out there who can honestly say that they are a real life June Cleaver? I'm not trying to make fun, I'm honestly asking. If you are her (she?) will you please step forward and tell me a) how you do it; and b) if you ever get any time to yourself or to sleep.

Am I setting myself up for failure?

I am not worthy

That's the way I feel a lot about Pierce. I feel like I am not worthy of him. I feel like he deserves a mom that's better than me. He is such an amazing boy. What did I do to deserve him? I don't know...probably nothing.

It's hard to feel this way and I don't know if my PPD contributes to it or if this is something that all mothers feel at one point in time or another. Or maybe I'm just crazy which, if you knew me, you'd agree is entirely possible.

That's another hard thing about having PPD. I don't know which feelings or thoughts considered "normal" and which are the disease talking. All I know is that I feel like he deserves more than me. Like I can never be enough for him. Like I'm not doing a good enough job as his mother.

But I do believe that we were meant for each other. Somewhere, somehow the Universe has it all planned out for us. Maybe he's here to make me a better person. Maybe I'm here to make him a better person?

I learn from him each day. About me. About him. About life. And maybe that's all the plan is after all.

Every mother should watch this video at least once!

I found this video on Facebook when one of my friends shared it. I watched it and immediately loved it! This is something that I feel like I should watch every morning before Pierce gets up for the day. There are some great things to keep in mind in this video. My personal favourite is "Nobody really knows what they're doing." That's a good thought to keep in mind for any situation, really.

So...if you could go back to tell yourself something before you had your first child what would it be? Mine would be, "Having postpartum depression doesn't make you a bad mom, or a bad person." and "As much as he is a gift to you, YOU are a gift to HIM!"