To be honest, I just needed to pull back from the blog a little. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to share freely about my experience with postpartum depression. I really really wanted to vomit on the pages of this blog about how, more than once, I would put Pierce in his crib & get in the shower with the water on full blast so that I could no longer hear his screams. How I would sit there & cry wishing that I could be the type of mother he needed me to be. But just as his cries terrified me, so did sharing those moments here. I was terrified to hear that I was a bad mom & there are some people that read this blog who I wasn't ready to share that information with. (Hi Mom!)
The fact that I was unable to share as candidly as I wanted to was the reason that I needed to take a step back from the blog. I wanted my voice to help bring light to the subject & make other women who were suffering in silence feel more comfortable about getting help for themselves. The reason I got help was because another blogger started posting about her experience with Postpartum Depression & because I saw her participating in #ppdchat on Twitter (Mondays at 1pm & 8:30pm EST) and joined in. So I wanted to pay it forward to other women.
But not feeling safe enough to post what I wanted to post made me feel like crap. So I had to stop posting altogether because I needed to find ways to strengthen my feelings towards myself. I already had enough reasons to feel like crap & if I could eliminate any of them, I was going to.
So, I am sorry that I have been gone for so long, but I am happy to say that I am feeling more like myself lately & that is without the assistance of medication. And I am happy to get back to posting more often!
:)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you will be posting again. And I'm glad we met because of #PPDChat!