...not having Kristin around sucks. Even when we text each other all day long, it's just not the same. But I think I am doing better without her around. Today is a week since she left and I can't believe it's only been that long. It seems like a lifetime.
On Wednesday night I had a bit of a breakdown. Andrew said he was going to go to his parent's house to work the next day (he works from home but finds it easier to go somewhere quiet to work, like the library or his parent's house) and I started to panic. Any other day it would've been fine because I would've texted Kristin when I got up and we'd make a plan to hang out later that day. But I knew I couldn't do that. If I wanted to get out of the house it was going to have to be by myself, and I rarely go out by myself unless I have some specific errand to run. I also had a bunch of housework that needed to get done and I was feeling overwhelmed.
I texted Kristin and told her what was going on and luckily she stepped right in and took over. She calmed me down by telling me to make a plan by deciding what needed to be done and scheduling it. (I never actually wrote down a schedule for the day, but don't tell her that, okay?) Then she followed it up by texting me all throughout the day asking what I was doing, giving me ideas of what I could do next and cheering me on.
I know this sounds like she was holding my hand through housework and she was. I'm not going to deny it. Sometimes my anxiety gets the better of me and I freak out over things that others wouldn't. I've had anxiety all my life so PPA is not new to me, but each little anxious moment I have is as real as the first one I ever had. And sometimes I do need a little hand-holding and cheering on as I do laundry to push me to continue doing it and show me that I CAN do this without my husband home, and without my BFF here. Because some days all of this can seem a little daunting.
But yesterday, I kicked my house's ass. And I've got my boxing gloves on to do it again today.