I had a c-section with Pierce. If you have read my birth story then you know all about it, but if not then I'll reiterate some of the details here.
I was 4 days past my due date. I was lying in bed when my husband made me laugh and I felt that popping feeling that women describe when their water breaks. We called the hospital and they had us come in. The confirmed that my water had broken, but when they put me on the monitor, I was having extremely mild contractions. I couldn't even feel them. So I had to be induced. My water had broken but my body was like, "Everything's fine, just relax." and the doctors were like, "Uh, no, this poses an infection risk, we need to get the baby out." and my body responded, "Fine, but I'm not doing any of the work." Awesome.
But wait...it gets better! After being induced and going into active labour we had gotten me to 6cm dilated and 80% effaced. Woohoo! Only 4cm and 20% left to go, right!? WRONG. I went from 6cm, 80% to 6cm 50%. Which means that not only was I not making progress, I was regressing.
So I had to have a c-section. My doctor says that it was a fit issue. Pierce just wouldn't fit. But regardless of that, I can't help feeling like my body failed me. Why didn't I go into labour on my own? Why did I have to be induced? I also blame myself. If I had gotten up and into different positions, maybe he would've fit. If I had been allowed to stay in the shower where I was very comfortable then maybe I would've been able to handle labour better. If I had been a better advocate for myself then maybe my labour and delivery would've gone the way I wanted it to.
I feel cheated out of the experience I've always dreamed of. I feel cheated that I only got to hold my baby after everyone else had because I was in recovery while my baby was elsewhere in the hospital. In my hospital room without me. Meeting the rest of his family when he hadn't had a chance to meet his Mama. I feel cheated out of the moment where the doctor catches the baby and puts him on his Mama's chest for her to touch and look at all over. The first time I saw my baby was when they slung him over the sheet for me to look at and I couldn't even see anything but his outline because the light was in my eyes. The first time I met him I could hardly see anything other than his eyes and nose. I so desperately wanted to reach out for him but my arms were attached to the operating table. My arms were tied down to the operating table. Pretty barbaric way to give birth if you ask me. When I finally got to hold my baby he was at least an hour old. And a picture of him had been put on Facebook already. My sister in law took a picture of him with her blackberry and posted it on Facebook for everyone to see. There are people I don't know who got a better look at my son after he was born than I did. People on the internet who I have never met and probably will never meet saw my son closer up than I did. I'm a little bitter about that.
Next time will be different. MUCH different. I am planning on hiring a doula for my next pregnancy so that I will have someone there to advocate for me when I'm in the throws of a contraction and unable to think clearly. I am planning a VBAC next time and I'm really hoping that it'll go the way I want.
Showing posts with label birth story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label birth story. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Pierce's Birth Story
At 1:00 a.m. on Thursday morning my water broke. We quickly finished packing the hospital bag and got going. We arrived around 2:30 a.m. They hooked me up to the monitors and I was having some minor contractions but I couldn't even feel them. I was between 1-1.5 cm dilated...I can't remember if she said how effaced I was. They called my doctor and she said she'd be in between 6:00 and 6:30 a.m. to assess me and induce me if I hadn't started going into labour by then. I tried to get as much sleep as I could...but it was difficult.
When the doctor arrived she checked me and I hadn't made any more progress. She placed the gel and I had to lie still for an hour. Once the hour was over they sent us home and asked us to come back at 12:15 because they needed to monitor me for half an hour before they placed the second gel, 6 hours later.
We went back to the hospital and at this point I was having some very mild contractions, but nothing that I couldn't handle. Again, they placed the gel, I lay still for 1 hour and they sent us home to come back at 7:45. At this point I had called my mom and asked her to come into the hospital. I was getting quite anxious and my heartrate was slightly elevated. When we left the hospital I was having LOTS of contractions...I probably had 10-15 within a 30 minute period.
When we got home, we went to sleep again and it was difficult for me to sleep because my contractions kept waking me up. We were late getting back to the hospital again and got there around 9:00 p.m. They checked me and I'd made it to 3cm...I can't remember how effaced. They placed the gel and I lay still for an hour. This time the contractions came on STRONG. My legs were shaking so hard during the contractions. The doctor offered me morphine. I really wanted to go natural, but the contractions were so bad and really all I wanted to avoid was the epidural anyways, so I said yes. Then the doctor changed her mind and said she'd give me something else. (I think it was called nubane? Not sure.) The nurse gave me a shot in the hip and it helped take the edge off.
Once the hour was up, I got up to go to the bathroom and the nurse encouraged me to get into the shower, so I did. The shower was amazing. My contractions were SO much shorter and less painful. I made it through them in like three or four breaths. Once I was feeling good, I got out and tried to eat a little bit. I was comfortable for only a small amount of time and then I wanted to get back into the shower.
We got back in and the nurses had a shift change so I got a different nurse. I hated my new nurse so much. I was in the shower and she came to check the baby's heartbeat with the doppler, which has no display on it and she had to count the heartbeats. She said the baby's heartbeat was in the 180s and that I needed to get out so that she could put me on the monitor. I was reluctant to get out, but I did. When she put me on the monitor, the baby's heartbeat was in the 150s. I asked her how long I had to be hooked up to it, and she said an hour or two. I was pissed. All I wanted to do was get back in the shower. I was in so much pain by that point, but she wouldn't let me.
This is where it gets confusing. I'm not sure in which order or at what time things happened. At some point I was checked again and I was 6 cm and 80% effaced. I also received another shot of nubane...which I'm pretty sure the stupid nurse hit my bone with when she administered the shot...it hurt like hell, I was having a contraction and my legs were shaking. I was able to sleep in between contractions. I'd have a contraction and then immediately fall asleep. Mr. B says that I fell asleep in mid-sentence a few times. I also went for a walk at some point during all of this.
Then, when I felt that I couldn't take anymore (it was maybe 5 a.m. on Friday at this point?) I asked for the epidural. The doctor said that the epidural would slow my progress even more and that if I wanted to have the epidural, she would have to give me some oxytocin as well, or I could just go for the c-section. I was really upset and told the doctor I wanted to think about it. I really didn't want to have oxytocin or a c-section, but I didn't think I could take the pain any longer.
They decided to check me again and the nurse did it. Except she did it during a contraction and inserted her fingers inside me and then SHOVED them in deeper repeatedly. It hurt like hell and I screamed at her to stop. The doctor waited for my contraction to stop and checked me again. This is when I learned that Pierce had not dropped into my pelvis and that I had gone from 80% to 50% effaced. She recommended the c-section and I cried. It was around 6:00 or 6:30 a.m. at that point and I had to wait until 7:00 for the surgeon and all the medical staff to come in. I was in excruciating pain waiting until then and I bit my hand during a contraction.
Finally at 7:30 they took me to get the section. I walked from my room to the OR. My doctor was amazing and stayed with me the entire time even though she was supposed to be going on vacation that morning for the weekend. They placed the spinal and I lay down. When they told me I had to have the c-section, I said I wanted my mom to come into the OR with me. I still feel really guilty that Mr. B wasn't there to witness the birth of his son. At this point my heart rate was in the 190s, but I had no idea...my mom told me afterward. I am so lucky that I didn't have a heart attack.
When Pierce was born everyone in the OR (it was like 10 people) burst into the song Happy Birthday and when it came to the name part, they said "baby boy" and I remember being so excited and exclaiming "a boy!" They held him over the sheet for me, but all I remember seeing was the grey outline of a baby in the light. My doctor peaked around the sheet and said, "Devon, he's perfect!" Then they handed him to my mom and she told me he got a 9 on his apgar. I said to her "I love him so much, Mom!" and then fell asleep on the table.
And that's Pierce's birth story. Sorry it's so long!
When the doctor arrived she checked me and I hadn't made any more progress. She placed the gel and I had to lie still for an hour. Once the hour was over they sent us home and asked us to come back at 12:15 because they needed to monitor me for half an hour before they placed the second gel, 6 hours later.
We went back to the hospital and at this point I was having some very mild contractions, but nothing that I couldn't handle. Again, they placed the gel, I lay still for 1 hour and they sent us home to come back at 7:45. At this point I had called my mom and asked her to come into the hospital. I was getting quite anxious and my heartrate was slightly elevated. When we left the hospital I was having LOTS of contractions...I probably had 10-15 within a 30 minute period.
When we got home, we went to sleep again and it was difficult for me to sleep because my contractions kept waking me up. We were late getting back to the hospital again and got there around 9:00 p.m. They checked me and I'd made it to 3cm...I can't remember how effaced. They placed the gel and I lay still for an hour. This time the contractions came on STRONG. My legs were shaking so hard during the contractions. The doctor offered me morphine. I really wanted to go natural, but the contractions were so bad and really all I wanted to avoid was the epidural anyways, so I said yes. Then the doctor changed her mind and said she'd give me something else. (I think it was called nubane? Not sure.) The nurse gave me a shot in the hip and it helped take the edge off.
Once the hour was up, I got up to go to the bathroom and the nurse encouraged me to get into the shower, so I did. The shower was amazing. My contractions were SO much shorter and less painful. I made it through them in like three or four breaths. Once I was feeling good, I got out and tried to eat a little bit. I was comfortable for only a small amount of time and then I wanted to get back into the shower.
We got back in and the nurses had a shift change so I got a different nurse. I hated my new nurse so much. I was in the shower and she came to check the baby's heartbeat with the doppler, which has no display on it and she had to count the heartbeats. She said the baby's heartbeat was in the 180s and that I needed to get out so that she could put me on the monitor. I was reluctant to get out, but I did. When she put me on the monitor, the baby's heartbeat was in the 150s. I asked her how long I had to be hooked up to it, and she said an hour or two. I was pissed. All I wanted to do was get back in the shower. I was in so much pain by that point, but she wouldn't let me.
This is where it gets confusing. I'm not sure in which order or at what time things happened. At some point I was checked again and I was 6 cm and 80% effaced. I also received another shot of nubane...which I'm pretty sure the stupid nurse hit my bone with when she administered the shot...it hurt like hell, I was having a contraction and my legs were shaking. I was able to sleep in between contractions. I'd have a contraction and then immediately fall asleep. Mr. B says that I fell asleep in mid-sentence a few times. I also went for a walk at some point during all of this.
Then, when I felt that I couldn't take anymore (it was maybe 5 a.m. on Friday at this point?) I asked for the epidural. The doctor said that the epidural would slow my progress even more and that if I wanted to have the epidural, she would have to give me some oxytocin as well, or I could just go for the c-section. I was really upset and told the doctor I wanted to think about it. I really didn't want to have oxytocin or a c-section, but I didn't think I could take the pain any longer.
They decided to check me again and the nurse did it. Except she did it during a contraction and inserted her fingers inside me and then SHOVED them in deeper repeatedly. It hurt like hell and I screamed at her to stop. The doctor waited for my contraction to stop and checked me again. This is when I learned that Pierce had not dropped into my pelvis and that I had gone from 80% to 50% effaced. She recommended the c-section and I cried. It was around 6:00 or 6:30 a.m. at that point and I had to wait until 7:00 for the surgeon and all the medical staff to come in. I was in excruciating pain waiting until then and I bit my hand during a contraction.
Finally at 7:30 they took me to get the section. I walked from my room to the OR. My doctor was amazing and stayed with me the entire time even though she was supposed to be going on vacation that morning for the weekend. They placed the spinal and I lay down. When they told me I had to have the c-section, I said I wanted my mom to come into the OR with me. I still feel really guilty that Mr. B wasn't there to witness the birth of his son. At this point my heart rate was in the 190s, but I had no idea...my mom told me afterward. I am so lucky that I didn't have a heart attack.
When Pierce was born everyone in the OR (it was like 10 people) burst into the song Happy Birthday and when it came to the name part, they said "baby boy" and I remember being so excited and exclaiming "a boy!" They held him over the sheet for me, but all I remember seeing was the grey outline of a baby in the light. My doctor peaked around the sheet and said, "Devon, he's perfect!" Then they handed him to my mom and she told me he got a 9 on his apgar. I said to her "I love him so much, Mom!" and then fell asleep on the table.
And that's Pierce's birth story. Sorry it's so long!
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