Pierce Sharing Popcorn with his Momma

I hear babies crying

I'm wondering if my meds are making me worse instead of better.

On Tuesday I had a great day and that was after I hadn't taken my meds for a few days. Not on purpose, I legitimately forgot. Yesterday I took them with my lunch and last night I was feeling pretty sad. It also could've been the events of the day that had me feeling that way, though.

I've also noticed a new symptom of my PPD. I hear babies crying. Like, all the time. Sometimes it's an actual noise that I hear and misinterpret as a baby crying, like my cat meowing or someone outside yelling. Other times there is no noise at all, like when I'm in the shower. It's very unnerving and I'm definitely going to talk to someone about it.

It's Days Like These When I Feel Like Myself Again

Today we're having friends and their son over for dinner. We're babysitting their son for them so they can go out to a movie and have a night to themselves.

This is the first time in a LONG time that I have been motivated to do so much around the house. On Sunday I took a pork roast out of the freezer to defrost. Yesterday I roasted garlic (something I've never done before) to use as a rub on the roast. I also did two loads of laundry (even folded!) and scooped the kitty litter.

Today I've cleaned the entire bathroom: mirror, sink, counter, toilet & bathtub. I also swept and mopped the bathroom AND kitchen floors. AND I did all that while taking care of Pierce all by myself. Although I did sleep in until 9:30-ish this morning, so my husband took care of him then. Later I need to do some vacuuming and go to the grocery store. And writing something in my blog other than song lyrics is another accomplishment.

I feel like myself today. I feel...content. I wouldn't go so far as to say happy, but definitely content. And very proud. I know that I still have a long way to go, but I also know that I've come a long way from where I've been.

Whataya Want From Me?

By Adam Lambert

Hey, slow it down whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
Yeah I'm afraid whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

There might have been a time
When I would give myself away
Oooh once upon a time I didn't give a damn
But now, here we are so whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Just don't give up I'm workin it out
Please don't give in, I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Yeah, it's plain to see (plain to see)
that baby you're beautiful
And there's nothing wrong with you
(nothing wrong with you)
It's me, I'm a freak (yeah)
but thanks for lovin' me
Cause you're doing it perfectly
(it perfectly)

There might have been a time
When I would let you slip away
I wouldn't even try
But I think you could save my life

Just don't give up I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in, I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep comin around
Hey, whataya want from me (Whataya want from me)
Whataya want from me (Whataya want from me)

Just don't give up on me
(uuuuuuh) I won't let you down
No, I won't let you down

(So hey) just don't give up
I'm workin it out
Please don't give in,
I won't let you down
It messed me up (It messed me up)
Need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me

Just don't give up I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in, i won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me (whataya want from me)
whataya want from me (whataya want from me)
whataya want from me

Have you ever felt like just running away?

That's the way I'm feeling right now. I just want to pack us up in the car and leave. Go. I can't really discuss what is making me feel this way, but it's one of those things where you have to do the right thing in the situation because it's the right thing to do. But you still fantasize about doing the wrong thing and wish and pray and hope and try to bargain for it to be the right thing.

I wish I could ignore what was "right" for once and do the wrong thing just because I wanted to.