The thing about postpartum depression is that there's this stigma associated with it. And if you haven't gone through it, you don't know what it's like. It's a lot like motherhood that way. When you're about to become a Mom you know that it's going to be difficult. Like REALLY difficult. And you're almost unsure of the fact that you'll be able to do it (at least I was).
Postpartum depression is hard like that. It's hard because it makes you feel like you'll never get better. It's hard because there's a stigma associated with it & you feel like you can't tell anyone how you're feeling. There's a misconception with regards to motherhood that once you become a mother, you should feel happy. Not just happy, elated. But not just elated, either. It's like you should be living in this cloud of orgasmic happiness. You just had a baby!! How could you be anything but happy?
And it's made even harder by watching others get better. That is, if you're fortunate enough to have a community of people around you who know what PPD is like. You know it's possible to get better because you see others doing it. And you feel like you're doing everything right, but you're not recovering as quickly as others are. And you know you shouldn't, but it's hard not to compare.
I've been there. I've suffered with PPD. And the reason this post is the way it is, is because those posts on other blogs that were all "Everything is puppies & rainbows, & unicorns that fart fairy dust" were not helpful to me when I was still recovering. They were just the opposite. I am so happy for anyone who has overcome PPD, because I know how horrible it is. I know the way it feels to sob on your shower floor while the water pounds down on you because your baby is crying & you need to have a minute where you can't hear him so that you can calm yourself. But reading those "I'm better & life rocks!" posts was so difficult.
I am better. But there are lots of women out there who are not. And my heart goes out to all of you. You will recover too, someday soon.
Thank you so much for this post. I find so much solace in reading others going through this battle too but, as much as I know it's not healthy, I can't help but look at others' recovery timelines and hope that's when I finally recover. I had gotten it in my head that pnd went away after about a year. When that time came and went, I suffered a huge setback. I'm still struggling. Getting better but not well - life certainly doesn't rock yet. It's nice to hear your sotry - one about your struggle with reassurance that you did recover in the end. Thanks again. I'll be back. ;-)
ReplyDeleteHi Sandy! Thanks for the comment, I appreciate it. I know how you feel. I read another, very popular blog & the woman who writes it had her baby just a few weeks after mine & recovered well before me. While I was happy for her, it definitely stung to read all the posts about how life is so awesome for her now. I felt like because we had our babies around the same time we should've been on the same schedule.
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