Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The Drunkard and the Water Bed - An Aesop's Fables of getting drunk

I was 18 - just one year shy of the legal drinking age in Ontario - but that didn't stop me. The plan was to go to a friend's house and have pizza and drinks. There were four of us, so two went to the store to get the alcohol - I gave them my money and asked them to get me a pack of 4 Smirnoff Ice and I went with another girl to get the pizza.

We went back to her parent's house who, by the way, were totally cool with us drinking at their house, and we sat on the back porch eating pizza and drinking.

We need to pause here for a moment so that I can explain. I know 18 is kind of old to be getting drunk for the first time, but my parents had never made alcohol a big deal in my house. I could have a sip or a whole glass of the wine they were drinking with dinner whenever I wanted. So, naturally, being allowed to have alcohol whenever I wanted made the idea of sneaking out to get drunk kind of lame. My parents have my first birthday party on VHS where my Dad hands me his bottle of beer and I quickly grab it and take a large swig. Also, I'm told that when I was 3 my Dad made some wine in our basement (wow, that sounds super legit!) and when it was ready my parents brought me down to help them taste it. I took a sip and immediately exclaimed, "That's not wine!" Ahhh...a wine connoisseur at the tender age of 3...

Anyway, we're on her back porch eating pizza and drinking. I finished one of my bottles of Smirnoff Ice and went into the house to get myself some more. It was not until then that I realized how drunk I already was. (It's always when you try to do something normal, like use the bathroom, that your realize, "Holy crap, I am really drunk. How did that happen?") I went in the door, into the kitchen and grabbed myself another bottle from the fridge and on the way out my friend's dog accosted me. I pretty much just stood there giggling until he left me alone and I could walk again.

By the time I was halfway through my second bottle I was pissed. It started to rain so we decided to go inside and I remember not wanting to go in because I felt too drunk to walk. Somehow we ended up inside, and I am guessing that I needed a lot of help. I don't remember a lot of what happened inside the house because I had finished the last half of my drink and was pretty trashed at that point. (I know, two drinks, cheap date or what?) I remember having my head down on the table and my friend's step dad asked me if I needed to lie down and I nodded my head, so he told me to go lie down on my friend's bed. Her WATER bed.

I went in a lay down and immediately passed out. I don't know how long it was until I woke up, but when I woke up the bottom half of my legs were hanging off the bed, which was quite uncomfortable, so I pulled myself up more on the bed, which of course caused the water in her water bed to make the bed rock. I just lay there hoping it would stop, wishing it would stop. Just then my friend opened her bedroom door and said, "How are you doing in here, sweetie!?" And just as she popped her head in the room I leaned over the side of the bed and threw up. I remember hearing her say "NOOOOOO!" and then I think they got a cloth to wipe off my face and I ended up sleeping on her bedroom floor, instead of the bed, that night.

And THAT, ladies and gentlemen is why, if you are going to get drunk off of two drinks, you should NOT pass out on a water bed.


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